Connections Program offers role models for youth

“A faithful friend is a sturdy shelter; he who finds one finds a treasure.” (Sir 6:14)

The Connections Program at Catholic Charities, Diocese of Metuchen, which is supported by the Bishop's Annual Appeal, takes this verse to heart by connecting mentors with youth who can use a friend. What participants have found is that what starts out as a way to give youth a helping hand, often creates friendships that are treasured by the youths, the mentors and their families alike.

Since 1994, the Connections Program has paired adult volunteers with youth in Middlesex County from ages 5 to 17. It started from pairing 14 matches to as many as 65 mentors paired with youth each year. Youth in the program are more likely to develop positive behaviors and continue schooling, which changes their lives. The friendship between the youth and the mentors tends to form quickly, but over time an even deeper bond is established and they often become a second family to the child.

According to the program’s website, criteria to get a mentor are: experiencing significant and/or terminal medical difficulties for which a positive adult relationship from outside of the family would be helpful; finding themselves in serious situational/loss crisis (i.e., but not limited to divorce or a parent is dying/just deceased) and a helpful adult relationship is needed.

Kathy McCrystal said she started as a mentor when her twin boys were teenagers. She was paired with a boy close in age to her sons because she thought mentoring would be a great way to engage her own boys. She got much more than she expected. The boy became close to her whole family, participating in traditions like her in-laws annual New Year’s Eve party, decorating the Christmas tree and going on an annual Easter egg hunt. She even took him on college tours with her own sons. They grew so close that when he aged out of the program, she agreed to mentor his younger brothers and they now participate in McCrystal family traditions just like their brother did.

Most of the activities that she does with the boys are simple. Because of the recent lockdown related to the coronavirus, she takes them for a walk or buys them ice cream. They also share her love of biking and hiking. Sometimes they want to visit at her house and play basketball or share a meal.

McCrystal spends about four hours a week with the boys depending on what activities they plan. She looks forward to her time with them and loves watching them grow and mature into teenagers. They often talk to her about their issues and she gives them whatever guidance she can.

Mentors must undergo rigorous screening interview and background checks before they receive training and continue to receive training after they beging serving.

The program sponsors monthly group activities — usually in person, but they have been held virtually because of the coronavirus — for mentors and the youth. Through these trainings and activities, McCrystal has also formed close friendships with other mentors.

Case managers are in touch with mentors two to five times each month and are available day or night by phone if they need advice or support. The program also hosts quarterly mentor support nights.

Jeanette Cullen, a member of St. Bartholomew Parish, East Brunswick, where she serves as an extraordinary minister of holy Communion and in its Society of St. Vincent de Paul chapter, has been supervisor of the Connections Program since 2000. She sees the impact it has not only on the the youth, but on the mentors and families. “The program is not meant to replace the parents, but to give support,” she said. “In many cases, we put the childhood back in the child’s life by offering the fun activities and support that his or her family cannot give them.”

Cullen treasures witnessing the life-changing impact that the mentors have on the youth. She said one child, whose parents were day laborers, came into the program wanting to be a day laborer. After spending time with his mentor, he realized other possibilities that were open to him. He started to plan to go to college and become a businessman and travel. He also changed his diet to more healthy choices.

For information about becoming a mentor, contact Jeanette Cullen at [email protected] or (732) 738-1323.