Marriage: Beacon of Hope, ‘Church must have a lasting impact on marriages and families’

Recently, the Holy Father proclaimed 2025 as the Jubilee Year of Hope. In his Papal Bull, Spes Non Confundit, Pope Francis expressed his desire that this year “help us to recover the confident trust that we require, in the Church and in society, in our interpersonal relationships, in international relations, and in our task of promoting the dignity of all persons and respect for God’s gift of creation.”  

As I reflect on these words in light of my own experience preparing couples for marriage, I am struck by how truly necessary the virtue of hope is for marriage.  Our culture is pervaded by a profound hopelessness and certain cynicism with respect to lasting marriage.  Indeed, one need not look far for examples of family brokenness which create a deep legacy of woundedness.  With so few positive examples, young people often question whether marriage is, in fact, worth undertaking at all. It is therefore helpful to reflect on what the recovery of hope might look like for the future of Catholic marriage.  

Primarily, Pope Francis speaks of “confident trust,” a requirement for any healthy relationship, as the key to hope. This is often most difficult as young adults, already wary of trust, frequently are led into behaviors which only increase skepticism. Chief among these is a period of “trial marriage” or cohabitation prior to marriage.  

This common and culturally-accepted practice has been the subject of several years of study and research. Based on nearly every metric, the practice not only fails to live up to its intention of “getting to know another person,” but also contributes to negative effects such as poorer communication and increased risk of divorce in many cases.  This is not to blame or shame anyone. In fact, all of the couples my husband and I meet with have the best of intentions.  

Most cannot think of a reason for the Church to disapprove of cohabitation and have never received any pushback from family, friends or relatives. When we talk with them and listen to their reasons, we are often struck by how badly-needed a voice of hope for the future truly is among young adults. This hope must be expressed through an assurance that trust in another person is not only possible, but necessary for lasting love.  

As we allow another human being to reveal him or herself to us, we patiently trust that God will guide this process of discovery and enable us to see whether or not the other has the requisite virtues for a marriage partner. This requires an objectivity that cannot be gained when lives are so entwined and we must not be afraid to proclaim this truth.  

This brings me to my second, and perhaps most fundamental point. We, as a Church, can and must have a lasting impact on marriages and families. As we lament the current cultural state of marital and pre-marital practices, we must recognize that formation for marriage begins long before dating or engagement.  

The Church rightly identifies the periods of infancy, childhood and adolescence as being the times when crucial “remote preparation” for marriage takes place (Pontifical Council for the Family, “Preparation for the Sacrament of Marriage”).  This is due to the fact that at these times the Christian conscience, character and virtue develop. It is here that families and the wider Church community have the greatest opportunity to inculcate a spirit of hope among young people.  We do this, to echo Pope Francis, by promoting awareness of the dignity of all persons.

Knowing that we are loved by and can trust in a personal God is the first step toward believing that this is possible in interpersonal relationships. Hoping in something bigger than ourselves is what enables us to recognize the inherent worth of every human life and frees us to trust. Of course, this is not to say that all risk can be mitigated, for marriage is as much an act of faith as it is a sign of hope. We will never be able to anticipate all that may occur in marriage to test and challenge us.

However, the cost of fear and cynicism is likewise high. As Christians, we must constantly renew our commitment to hope in the Lord and thereby proclaim to the world that in him our strength will be renewed, and we will “run and not grow weary” (Isaiah 40:31). May our young people not grow wearied by the cynicism of the world and may our marriages shine as the beacon of Christ’s love and hope for the world!

Cristina D’Averso-Collins serves as diocesan director, Office of Family Life.