Married couples can be ‘witnesses to God’s faithful love’

Article 125 - Catechism of the Catholic Church Series
Paragraphs 1638-1642

This section of the Catechism begins: “From a valid marriage arises a bond between the spouses which by its very nature is perpetual and exclusive; furthermore, in a Christian marriage the spouses are strengthened and, as it were, consecrated for the duties and the dignity of their state by a special sacrament” (ccc 1638).
I once highlighted this “strengthening” of spouses through the grace of the Sacrament of Matrimony in my book, “Anecdotes and Scripture Notes for All Occasions.” The couple referenced in the story (as follows) were my parents:
“They had been married for more than 40 years and were a joy to be around because they were very much in love with each other. But when the husband had major surgery, the days that followed were difficult for him. He woke up from surgery and was unable to return to sleep as he became agitated, anxious, and tired; he grew worse by the hour. The medical staff gave him medication to help him sleep and to numb the pain, but things just went from bad to worse. During the second night without sleep, he began to hallucinate and became paranoid from the medication. Thinking he was in danger, he unhooked the IV and other medical equipment and left his room and attempted to return to the ICU where he thought he would be safe. The nurses found him and returned him to his bed. When the family was told about this incident, his wife went to his bedside to keep vigil. She was at a loss as to how to calm him down, so she asked him what he needed. He needed her, he said. So when the nurses left the room, she took off her shoes and climbed into the bed next to him and held him and prayed with him, and an hour later he was asleep. He slept for 12 hours.” [Anecdotes and Scripture Notes, 23rd Publications, p. 93].
The Catechism captures these sentiments when it says: “Christ dwells with them, gives them the strength to take up their crosses and so follow him...to bear one another’s burdens, to be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ” (ccc 1642). Therefore, the primary goal of marriage is the “procreation and education” of children (ccc 1652), and the secondary goal is and must be companionship shared by the spouses.
Nevertheless, the Catechism also points out: “it can seem difficult, even impossible, to bind oneself for life to another human being” (ccc 1648). This is especially true when we consider one another’s human weaknesses…the sinful condition we inherited from our first parents. Still, the Catechism explains, “this makes it all the more important to proclaim the Good News that God loves us with a definitive and irrevocable love, that married couples share in this love, that it supports and sustains them, and that by their own faithfulness they can be witnesses to God’s faithful love” (ccc 1648). As such, Christian couples who remain faithful in their married love depend not only on the love they profess for one another, but also on their love for God.
Yet, there are certain circumstances in which living together under one roof can become almost impossible. In such cases, the Church allows the physical separation of the married couple. The Catechism explains that under such conditions “the spouses do not cease to be husband and wife before God and so are not free to contract a new union” (ccc 1649). Therefore, the best outcome for this situation, the Catechism states, “would be, if possible, reconciliation” (ccc 1649).
If one or both spouses in a valid sacramental marriage attempts another marriage (civilly or in a non-Catholic ceremony), “...a new union cannot be recognized as valid, if the first marriage was” (ccc 1650). A couple finding themselves in such a situation, the Catechism explains, “objectively contravenes God’s law” (ccc 1650). As Sacred Scripture teaches: “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another, commits adultery against her; and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery” (Mk 10:11-12).
Again, reconciliation with God and His Church is always available. Why else would Our Lord have given us the Sacrament of Penance (Reconciliation)? (see John 20:23) The Catechism explains that without such repentance “they [spouses in an invalid marriage] cannot receive Eucharistic communion as long as this situation persists. For the same reason, they cannot exercise certain ecclesial responsibilities” (ccc 1650). Examples include serving as godparents or sacramental sponsors, as well as liturgical ministers.
In situations where reconciliation is impossible and an annulment has not been sought, “priests and the whole community,” the Catechism states, “must manifest an attentive solicitude, so that they [invalidly married couples] do not consider themselves separated from the Church” (ccc 1651). Quoting from then-Pope, now St. John Paul’s 1981 Apostolic Exhortation, the Catechism continues: “They should be encouraged to listen to the Word of God, to attend the Sacrifice of the Mass, to persevere in prayer, to contribute to works of charity and to community efforts for justice, to bring up their children in the Christian faith, to cultivate the spirit and practice of penance and thus implore, day by day, God’s grace” (ccc 1651).
No doubt, the Catholic community includes faithful couples who received the Sacrament of Matrimony and continue to make sacrifices for their spouses and families. Unfortunately, others in sacramental marriages have lost their way due to a lack of affection or worse by one or both of the spouses. Still others have chosen to marry outside the Church, placing themselves outside the sacramental life of the Church. And still others find themselves in various other circumstances that include so-called “common-law marriages.” Whatever the situation of couples in our current culture, all are invited to reach higher to a life that includes being faithful to Jesus Christ.
Father Hillier serves as Director of the Office of the Pontifical Mission Societies, Censor Librorum and oversees the Office for Persons with Disabilities