Unlike God the Father, who is immutable, a glance at past and the present will show that our earthly fathers have not only changed, they’ve evolved!
It was March 19, 1962, and my mother went into labor with my youngest brother, Tommy. After she was taken to the hospital, my paternal grandmother turned to my father and said: “John, there’s nothing for you to do here. Go play golf!” And guess what? He did!
In my youth, the father was seen first and foremost as the provider — and the mother was portrayed as the nurturer. Roles were defined in black and white. If the baby awoke in the night, it was my mom who got up. If the baby needed a bath, it was my mom who took care of this. When it came to faith, it was my mom who taught us our prayers and made sure we went to church. Dad, on the other hand, taught us how to catch a ball, play football, baseball and, of course, golf. It was mom who chauffeured us to Cub Scouts, but dad who brought us to the pinewood derby. It was mom who did the housework, from laundry to cooking, from making beds to doing the dishes. It was dad who threw out the garbage, took care of the pool and cut the grass.
Then, in the 1970’s, thanks in part to the liberation movement of women, and with more and more mothers working full-time, those black and white job descriptions which accompanied each parent became fuzzy and now appeared in shades of gray. In some homes, wives were providing more revenue than their husbands, and with maternity leaves limited to three months, dads had to begin the share in the role of nurturer. Women were now demanding that their husbands share in parenting more than they had in the past. How did this translate into ordinary domestic life?
Dads were no longer dispatched to play golf when their wives entered labor and delivery. To the contrary, dads were expected to be, and still are, at the sides of their wives at the birth of their children.
When the babies awake in the middle of the night for feedings, dads and moms share the feeding schedule, change diapers, bathe the baby when warranted and rock the baby to sleep again. In my day, all of this fell on poor mom’s shoulders. Yes, dads have evolved!
When it was time for toddlerdom, dads and moms were now equi-present and involved in the play dates, pre-school presentations and sports. In my day, mom was the pre-school (with the help of Romper Room and Captain Kangaroo), the taxi driver to sports activities or club meetings and referee when my brothers and I would argue over rules to games.
When we were tweens, Dad introduced us to go-carts and minibikes, eventually field motorcycles, fishing and hunting. Mom introduced us to chores around the house and taking care of the family dog, chickens, ducks, yes, even a French-Alpine goat!
When we’d go to the shore for a day trip, mom would pack eggplant and salami sandwiches, dad would stuff as much patio furniture as possible into the trunk. On the beach, dad was the lifeguard, mom was the snack bar. On the boardwalk, mom took a backseat as dad would not leave until he won all three of his sons a bazooka air-gun. Some would say he was, by nature, a socialist but he always voted Republican.
As teens, it was dad who made sure we all had cars on our 17th birthday. He also serviced our cars for nothing! It was mom who taught us how to drive! It was dad who got us our first jobs as caddies. It was mom who taught us how to treat a girl the right way on dates.
Now, Dads have the aforementioned honors as well. They also learned real fast how to clean, do laundry and cook. In fact, they began to take a more active role in the faith formation of their children, teaching CCD, mentoring a high school faith sharing group, being a chaperone on a mission trip, workshopping a young person before an Antioch talk. Dads are Lectors, Eucharistic ministers and even Permanent Deacons! Yes, dads have evolved but we must avoid the temptation of being anachronistic and looking pejoratively on dads of old. They did what was expected of them at that time in history.
My dad passed away in November. I miss his presence very much, especially on holidays, Sundays and special occasions, like Christmas, Easter and the anniversary of my ordination. On this Father’s Day, we salute both the old and the new species of dads. They all deserve our respect and love. “God ever close to us, we rejoice to call you, Father…and dads of all ages, we wish you one and all, a very, Happy Father’s Day!”
Father Comandini is managing editor of “The Catholic Spirit”