Love bears all things, endures all things

Although true, that title will evoke feelings of discomfort in perhaps half of those reading this. The discomfort comes from our personal deviation from the truth, or that of a loved one. Nonetheless, the truth still remains, and Jesus said that the truth will set us free.

Studying Theology of the Body over the past several years was, for me, an eye-opening and heart-rending experience. Since I was not so good at marriage, it was hard for me to hear about the sacredness and indissolubility of the marital covenant. Nevertheless, I had reached a time in life when I was ready to hear and live the truth no matter how much it hurt.

I write this not to judge or condemn anyone. Each of us has had his or her personal journey and experiences. I only wish to share a small portion of mine.

When you realize you had a wrong or ignorant view that significantly harmed your life and the lives of others, you become very passionate about speaking out about it, which I believe God is calling me to do.

Pope St. John Paul II spoke often about the pervasive fragmentation that exists within the human person today. As I hear of more and more couples calling it quits, some after decades of marriage, his words point to the broader reality that divorce is a symptom of a much deeper problem. Divorce seems to evolve from a crisis of faith and identity that is more personal to individuals than to couples, and then remains unresolved through the marriage.

Looking back, I can say that I experienced more than one crisis in my life. In fact, most of my life I did not truly know myself because I did not have a personal relationship with God. I believed in him, I received the Sacraments and went to church, but I did not fully surrender my life to him. The only way that I could have conceived of divorce was because I had lost my sense of self. The woman I was raised to be and the woman I am today would not have chosen divorce.

St. Paul was a guiding light to me after my divorce. He said, “I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate” (Romans 7:16). It was helpful to know that even saints experienced identity crises. Yet, they always persisted in fervent prayer and sought to do God’s will. I learned that I could only find myself in God, and that a crisis is always beneficial if it draws me closer to Him.

One day, when I was at my lowest point, I poured out my heart to God and prayed, “Lord, I give you permission to show me my faults and the decisions I made that did not come from you.” He took me back to our beginning, He reminded me of his sacred covenant and my promise to love my husband in good times and in bad, till death do we part, and all the blessings he bestowed on us: our children, our families, our friends and our homes. His grace enabled me to see as He sees. That is what his grace does for us. He spoke to my heart and said, “Don’t focus on the problems; remember the love.”

You may think that no one understands your difficulties and your pain. And you would be right, no one could completely understand, except for God. He understands our pain more than we do. His perspective is wider, wiser, unobstructed and timeless. His miracles take time – sometimes years – and we have grown accustomed to having immediate results. But, if we end our story before it is finished, we may interrupt his miracle in the works.

“Faced with problems and disappointments many people try to escape from their responsibility: escape in selfishness, escape in sexual pleasure, escape in drugs, escape in violence, escape in indifference and cynical attitudes. But today, I propose to you the option of love, which is the opposite of escape” (John Paul II, Homily on Boston Common, Oct. 1, 1979).

Our Father and Creator wants to rekindle the love that brought us to our spouses and lives in the depths of our hearts. We often busy ourselves and seek distractions because we do not want to let it in. God wants us to be still so we can hear him speak to us. While it may seem too painful to endure, with his help, we will persevere.

If you are not presently able to give or receive love from your spouse, give your love to God, He will always be there for you. Give him time to do his work in you and in your spouse. If forgiveness is a problem, take it to him. Christ is mercy itself. We need only look at a Crucifix to remember that love bears all things and endures all things. Jesus is the ultimate unifier of persons and his love never ends (1 Cor 13:7,8).

Anna M. Githens is a freelance writer with a career background in finance, teaching and journalism. She holds an Master of Arts in Theology, a Bachelor of Arts in Economics and a certification in Theology of the Body.